Sunday, March 29, 2009

you don't know if it's right to open up or do things that you normally do, sometimes it's hard to trust a new stranger and let it inside your life . it's hard ..i get all this thoughts at 5 am with the lights off and eating some oatmeal so when i'm done eating ,i can feel lazy and just sleep and wake up the next day late ... but this post isn't about that it's about what's right ,what's not right and whats okay , sometimes i just smile hard because i know what i want but right now i'm not smiling idk what i want , in life and in general , wait i'm trying to finish my soy milk , okay in few minutes i'll feel lazy anyway , i have a very important appointment today sunday at 3pm with my therapist , i need to talk to her and tell her whats going on , usually i see her every 15th of the month but today i most talk to her cause i haven't been feeling good and i need to tell her a lot of stuff , things that are making me happy and things that are just bothering me , sometimes i just shower then look at my self on the mirror for minutes and its weird , i see my self and then i don't think it's me what ?, i been smoking so much lately , i smoked 7 ciggs today and finished h.w for my graphic design class , shit college is so hard :/ i have to do so many things ,maybe i'm getting stressed out ... i don't even know what i'm typing right now , i'm feeling very down right now idk why . i need to listen to janina and make things right she hates when i just go away and disappear for weeks and just ignore everyone i do that sometimes , sometimes i just feel like not being social and stay home all the time and sleep , but in the other hand soemtimes i "go away" from people when i know i need to ,when i most . I don't talk to some of the "party ,lets do drugs,lets get drunk, acquaintances" i had, i feel like people that, have nothing to provide me in life and they shouldn't have a space in my life . new york city is full of people that don't know the definition of friendship , the ones that call you on saturday to go out and get drunk but during the week you don't exist , the ones you trust and end up fuking up with you , the ones that only want to be friend to you so they can get into you circle of friends ... i found a nice person , even though we haven't seen each other in a while cause we have very crazy busy days . but we talk on the phone all the time and eat go pee and do all this things but we are still on the phone :) wait shes not a friend shes my sister :)
so she doesn't count then :) ,what else i almost cried when i was alone @ bed yesterday looking at old photos of brisney my dog :( i miss her she was my pure true love , fuck i do miss her this pictures are horrible quality but i fee like sharing them anyway

and this are just pictures i like idk


















this made me smile for more than a day :)


i'm off to bed wait im already on bed , i have a big day today but before going to bed i'm gonna talk a little bit more with Ed :) 3/29/2009 05:07:00 AM | click COMMENT 1 comments

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